Best Funny Phrase Ideas Perfect for Your Instagram Caption

funny phrases Taking everything too seriously can be difficult in life, so don’t take everything too seriously. We won’t take your word for it, but laughter is scientifically proven to be the best medicine. When you laugh, your body relaxes, your immune system is boosted, your pain is decreased, and endorphins are released. So if you’re looking for some lighthearted one-liners or jokes, funny phrases your next humorous Instagram caption, or some fun facts to make you smile, we’ve done the work for you. funny phrases You’ll laugh and feel good about life when you read this collection of over 160 funny phrases. There are also some pop culture and sitcom quotes thrown in for good measure.

Perfect Funny Phrases

1. In the face of such an unarmed opponent, I refuse to fight wits with him.
2. Train stations are where trains stop. Bus stations are places where buses stop. My desk has a workstation.
3. My lack of knowledge prevents me from answering that question.
4. We’ve got candy over on the dark side.
5. Your soul may benefit from confessions, but your reputation suffers.
6. Please grow up and solve your own problems, math exercise book!
7. Dentists can no longer ask simple yes or no questions once you open your mouth.
8. Whenever I needed it, my middle finger stood up for me.
9. The fact that breathing is a reflex is an excellent thing for me since I’m not lazy.
10. True optimists fall from skyscrapers and after 50 floors think to themselves: Well, so far, so good!

1. My mirror says I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.
2. Your evolution has been a disappointment after millions of years.
3. There is no solution to problems with alcohol, just as there is no solution to problems with milk.
4. Alcohol! Salads never started a great story.
5. In my mind, the air was free all my life. It wasn’t until I bought a bag of potato chips that I changed my mind.
6. In addition to my fluent irony, I speak with a sarcastic accent.
7. I am in touch with my motivation. The car waved and winked at me this morning as it passed by.
8. I am nobody. Nobody is an idealist. I am perfect.
9. Having a heart attack during a game of charades is the worst possible situation.
10. It used to be that I thought you were a pain in the neck. Since then, I have significantly lowered my opinion of you.
11. When a man says he’ll fix something, he’ll do it. You don’t need to remind him every six months.
12. Those who wake up early yawn all day.
13. Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is common. Arguing with them is acceptable. The real trouble comes when you lose that argument.
14. Here, have a tissue. You still have a bit of bullshit in your mouth.
15. Before you finally leave, how many times must I flush?
16. I am an example for others. A bad example.
17. I apologize to anyone I haven’t offended yet. Please be patient. I will contact you shortly.
18. My arms and legs have always been by my side, and my fingers have always been there for me.
19. Except for parking meters, change is inevitable.
20. Accidents in the backseat cause children, children cause accidents in the backseat!
21. Chocolate doesn’t ask questions. Chocolate understands.
22. I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Runn over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago.
23. God doesn’t work that way, so I asked for a bike. My response was to steal a bike and ask for forgiveness.
24. I didn’t fall down. I attacked the floor, though.
25. I wake up every morning with a new hairstyle from my pillow.
26. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
27. I get enough exercise to push my luck.
28. I had a lot to do today. Oh well, tomorrow I’ll have a lot on my plate.
29. I like to be optimistic. It pisses people off.
30. I read that married couples have sex 74 times per year. It’s November now. Seems I’ll have an exciting December!

Funny Quotes

1. Despite not having a brain, jellyfish have existed as a species for 500 million years. There are quite a few people who are encouraged by that.
2. There’s no way to know when you’re finished doing nothing, so it can be hard.
3. The moon has footprints, so don’t tell me the sky is the limit.
4. Vacuuming while listening to loud music on headphones is not a good idea. The vacuum wasn’t even on when I finished three rooms.
5. The alphabet has 25 more letters if plan A fails.
6. Isn’t it great if someone could make a clap-on-clap-off device for people’s mouths?
7. Be careful not to spill your beer while driving.
8. A cookie a day keeps sadness away. You can bring it back by eating an entire jar of cookies every day.
9. One prick can ruin a good mood, just like a balloon.
10. The world was created by God, everything else is made in China.
11. Good thing Noah took those two coffee beans on board.
12. Effective work pays off in the future. Right now, it pays off to lounge on the couch.
13. Slow thinkers are those who laugh last.
14. “Stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backward.
15. There are no boundaries to stupidity, but it knows a lot of people.
16. Anything well done on television is rare.
17. Getting home at the end of the day is the best part of going to work.
18. Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.
19. It’s important to remember that everyone is unique.
20. An opportunist is a guy who drinks the water while the pessimist, the optimist and the realist argue about how full the glass is.
21. Every one of us is capable of lighting up a room. It happens to some when they enter, and it happens to others when they leave.
22. To me, chocolate is fruit as long as cocoa beans grow on trees.
23. I hate everyone before I have my first cup of coffee. That doesn’t change after that coffee, but it feels better.
24. Birthdays are healthy for you. According to statistics, people with the most wealth live the longest.
25. Experience is wonderful. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
26. Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.
27. Spring is here! My plants are so happy that I wet them.
28. In a lawsuit against your parents, you have a good chance with a face like yours.
29. Go bungee jumping. It’s only fair that your life should end the same way it began: with a malfunctioning rubber.
30. It’s impossible for me to have a kid as cool as my parents.
31. Money bags can symbolize wealth as well as tremendous inflation.
32. Do not argue with an idiot. With his experience, he will beat you down to his level.
33. Do not let your mind wander too much. You cannot let it out alone because it is too small.
34. Do people talk about you behind your back? Simply fart.
35. When I asked for your opinion, do you remember? That’s right, neither me.
36. Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
37. Dogs have beloved masters. Cats have waiting staff.
38. I’m never late. The others are too early!
39. I’m not clumsy, but the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
40. I’m not lazy. My motivation for doing nothing is high.
41. When I’m doing something, I’m really good at it.
42. I’d like to help you out today. Which way did you come in?
43. Banks lend money to people who can prove they don’t need it.
44. Showing your enemies that you have teeth with a broad smile is cooler.

Best Funny Phrase Ideas

1. I don’t need anger management. It’s time for you to stop making me angry.
2. Please cancel my subscription. I don’t have time for your issues.
3. Do you know the difference between your opinion and a pizza? I asked for pizza.
4. Being taken seriously does not come with the right to have your opinion heard.
5. I’m not sleeping, I’m resting my eyelids.
6. I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
7. Rather than ignoring the alarm clock, I’m waiting to see who wakes up first.
8. Coriander is dead and dry cilantro when everyone discovers it today.
9. Compared to a polar bear’s nuptials, it’s cold out here.
10. Oh, wait. I just remembered. You’re boring and my legs are working.
11. Wow, who craped your cornflakes?
12. My side of the pillow is cooler than the other.
13. You’re nuttier than squirrel shit.
14. Coco Puffs are everyone’s favorite, am I right?
15. BYOW: Bring your own wine.
16. When I am on vacation, I will never check my emails (checks watch).
17. Taylor Swift once said, “I’m going to shake you off.”.
18. Dress code for Halloween: whatever will get me the most candy.
19. “Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.” — Judge Judy
20. “Stop peeing on my leg and telling me it’s raining.” — Judge Judy
21. “Nothing is true if it doesn’t make sense.” – Judge Judy
22. “I love the truth. “You’re gonna eat your shoes if you don’t tell me the truth.” – Judge Judy
23. “I’m the boss, Applesauce.” — Judge Judy
24. The smartest person alive will never be me no matter how old he or she lives. I am smarter on my BEST days than you are on my WORST days.” – Judge Judy
25. Good, honest work never harms anyone, but I don’t want to take even the slightest risk.
26. They say money doesn’t bring happiness. In any case, it is better to verify things on your own.
27. “Whenever I’m sad, I stop being unhappy and be awesome instead.” — Barney Stinson
28. “It’s just, eventually we’re all gonna move on. Growing up is what it’s all about.” – Lily Aldrin
29. “There is no such thing as revenge fantasies.” — Marshall Eriksen
30. “Whether a gesture is charming or alarming depends on how it’s received.” — Ted Mosby
31. “ I needed a plan for getting over my man. And what’s the opposite of a man? Jam.” — Monica Gellar
32. “We were on a break!” — Ross Gellar
33. “How are you doing?” — Joey Tribbiani
34. “We know they know, but they don’t know we know.” – Phoebe Buffay
35. “Everything I have I owe to this job…this stupid, wonderful, boring,g, brilliant job.” – Jim Halpert
36. “I’m not superstitious, but I am serious.” – Michael Scott
37. “An office is to prevent dying. “An office is a place where dreams become a reality.” – Michael Scott.
38. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. The amount of love I have for people should instill fear in them.” – Michael Scott
39. I went to my friend’s house because they said not to try it at home!
40. In my bed, everything I had to do suddenly comes back to me.
41. Friday is my second favorite F-word.
42. Wine + dinner = winner
43. I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos like me!
44. The next thing I’ll do is demonstrate the mating call of a blue whale.
45. I’d send someone to pick up an award for being lazy if there was one.
46. Money will follow you if you do what you love. Now I’m waiting for my pizza…
47. I don’t give a ship!
48. It’s like watching a foreign movie without subtitles in math class.
49. There’s no “we” in fries.
50. Be a cupcake in a muffin world.
51. Getting to bed early. Not coming to a party. Not leaving my house. It is my adult goals that have been shaped by my childhood punishments.
52. The alphabet stopped making sense to me when it came to math.
53. Never judge a book by its movie.
54. Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. It’s suspicious.
55. The only stupid idea is one that doesn’t work.
56. I just sleep until noon if someone tells me I’ll regret something in the morning. I’m a problem solver.
57. Common sense is like deodorant. It is never used by those who need it most.
58. Think nothing is impossible? Try slamming a revolving door.
59. Never ask a starfish for directions.
60. Don’t insult the alligator until you cross the river.
61. When you get a new banana, smile like a monkey.
62. Some days you’re a bird. Some days you’re a statue.
63. The person who said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear from their bedroom.”
64. I’m not lazy. I’m relaxed.
65. I put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastinate.’
66. It might look like I’m doing nothing. However, I’m quite busy in my head.
67. Until you stop working, no one notices how hard you work.
68. My wallet is like an onion. Whenever I open it, I cry.
69. Your bank account can always be overdrawn. It’ll never be overfilled.
70. Pushing my luck gives me plenty of exercises.
71. My favorite place to go when I’m bored is the fridge.
72. It takes two cupcakes to make a balanced diet.
73. I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for food. Where does pizza live?
74. Laughing today made my abs sore, so I skipped the gym today.
75. In the refrigerator, why is there a light if you’re not supposed to eat at night?
76. Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion.
77. My brain has too many tabs open.
78. As a fork, I am life’s bowl of soup.
79. We have 25 more letters to try if Plan A doesn’t work.
80. I’m never wrong. There are different levels at the moment.
81. I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.
82. They say the most successful things take time. That’s why I’m late.
83. Sorry, I’m late. I didn’t want to come.
84. After the weekend, the first five days are the most challenging.
85. Computer solutions are the leading cause of computer problems.
86. Only when you need a landline to find your cell phone?
87. Perfect men don’t swear, don’t smoke, don’t get angry, and don’t drink. He also doesn’t exist.
88. There is always work to be done on the road to success.
89. The shortest horror story: Monday.
90. Snorers are always the first to fall asleep.
91. As soon as the supermarket opens a second checkout lane, the true nature of a human is evident.
92. There are days when you just want to envelop everyone with light and warmth… preferably through a flamethrower.
93. Physical death is not always the result of total brain failure, as there are people who live proof of this.
94. There is no lousy weather, only lousy clothing choices.
95. There was a time when I would have given myself to you, but now I’m not even willing to throw myself up in your direction.
96. They say crime doesn’t pay. Would my current job qualify me as a criminal?
97. As if going home is a bad thing when people say ‘Go big or go home’.
98. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has the right taste.
99. We can’t all be princesses. When I roll by, someone must wave.
100. Dynamite comes in small packages.
101. We’d both be wrong if I agreed with you.
102. It’s alright if we disagree. You can’t make me agree with you