The friendly neighbor (or should I say “neighbor”) to the north is Canada. We Americans know a lot less about you than you do about us, and what we do know tends to be limited to cold weather, poutine, maple leaves, ice hockey, your hot prime minister, Tim Horton’s, Dave Coulier, and the fact that your Thanksgiving is earlier. In light of this, we understand that the jokes we make about Canadians shouldn’t be offensive. You’re a very polite country. The good manners and kind ways of Canadians are often the subjects of jokes about them.
In addition to being a genuinely polite country, we are also a little jealous of you – with your affordable healthcare and cities that look like they’ve been plucked out of Europe. As an added bonus, Lucy Maud Montgomery was born here, as was Anne Shirley, a gift from her to the world. It is fine to use the metric system, but it is probably a good idea for us to do the same, at this point. There are beautiful months in July and August up there, but it can get cold up there. This Canadian joke is our way of saying we care, so please don’t be offended.
Now let’s joke about Canadians (in a friendly manner).
Table of Contents
Some Best Canadian Jokes and Puns
Canadian Jokes
Funniest Canadian Jokes
How do you get a Canadian to apologize?
Step on their foot.
Why are Canadian students so smart?
They get lots of this.
What is the best way to prevent bacon from curling in the pan?
Take away its broom!
So, the U.S. is collaborating with Canada to send a spacecraft to the moon.
They’re calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
Hard water is a real problem in Canada, did you know?
Most of the time, it’s frozen.
How does a tire fix itself without bothering the driver?
It is a Canadian tire.
Why do hockey players like baking cakes?
They’re great at icing.
Why is maple syrup always so sad?
Because it’s sappy.
What has antlers and sucks blood?
A moose-Quito.
Why shouldn’t curlers tell jokes on the ice?
Because it might crack up!
To the Rocky Mountains, what did the snow say?
“I’ve got you covered.”
In what way does Canada stand out from other countries?
Canadians
Prince Edward Island is a new home for the weightlifter, but why did he move there?
To get the best mussels!
What’s a Canadian’s favorite letter?
Eh (A).
A swimming pool contains 50 Canadians. How can you get them out?
“Please exit the pool.” You say.
French Canadian Jokes
Is there a reason why the Canadian friend arrived late at the airport?
As a result of poutine, he got delayed.
In an emergency, how could I reach my Canadian friend?
He was watching a game of hockey!
In which way is the U.S. better than Canada?
It has nicer neighbors!
What was the reason for my Canadian friend’s muscularity and strength?
He was lumber jacked!
How did my father react when he imported a Canadian tree?
He said, “This looks quite oak, eh?”
In times of need, why do Canadians love to help others?
Because they are Can-aid-and.
A maple leaf tree bid farewell to the beaver in what way?
I enjoyed gnawing you, he said!”
When Canada fails at something, what should you call it?
You call it Can’tada!
Most of the time, it’s frozen.
Winter… and July.
She told me that she didn’t know what the capital of Canada was
I told her, “You Ottawa know it!”
What constitutes fifty percent of Canada?
The letter A.
Inappropriate Canadian Jokes
Latin America and the United Kingdom can only meet in this place in the world.
British Columbia.
What’s an example of a Canadian tourist advertisement?
The land of frostbite and sunburn.
How does a Canadian confess their love?
By saying, “I love you more than poutine!”
What’s every Canadian’s favorite soap opera?
The Cold & The Beautiful.
A friend of mine told me I wasn’t really Canadian.
But he was having Nunavut!
Why isn’t Canada real?
It’s all maple leaf.
I met a 100-year-old Canadian man.
I replied, “I Canada belief you are 100!”
We tracked a deer we couldn’t catch on a hunting trip to Canada.
We ended up chasing mooses in the wild.
What’s a Canadian’s favorite comedy show?
It’s Always Snowing in Winnipeg.
In Canada, when someone commits a first-degree murder.
In the US, it is considered a 34-degree murder.
My friends over there invited me to Canada.
The plan was to have a New Year’s party!
At the ice hockey game, I tried sneaking up front.
Unfortunately, I was caught and told, “Quebec to the end of the line!”
Can you name the Canadian city with the wildest cats?
The city of Van-cougar.
What led to the Canadian student being expelled from class?
He was asked to leave by the teacher after he sat down.
Canadian Hockey Jokes
At thehockey game, what was the Canadian skeleton doing?
He was there to drive the zam-bone-i!
In Canada, I watched a boxing match.
And a hockey game broke out!
What does Canada do when there is a coin shortage in the U.S.?
They give us Nickelback.
How do Canadians take care of their hair?
With moose.
What’s a Canadian ghost’s favorite food?
Boo-tine!
What song do pumped-up Canadians sing?
“Who Let the Sled Dogs Out?”
On their first visit to Canada, what did the excited tourist say?
“Yukon see the northern lights from here!”
What is the Toronto Blue Jays’ pre-game routine?
They warm up.
Facebook is a great platform for Canada’s social media marketing. Why is that?
They have so many lakes.
In Canada, how do you get invited to get-togethers?
Someone says, “Hey, we’re having a part-eh!”
To change a light bulb, how many Canadians are needed?
There is none – they accept the way things are.
Can you get your wallet back if you lose it in Canada?
You’ll get it delivered to your house.
Who eats breakfast in the Capital of Canada?
Ottawaffles.
How do Canadians travel to America by public transportation?
Zambonis
How did the super-fan react when the Canadian National Team won the Hockey World Cup?
“What eh time to be ehlive!”
A joke was told to me about the Canadian Rockies by my friend.
They were absolutely hill areas.
Bad Canadian Jokes
When the tourist visited Canada, why was he terrific?
It’s a pity, but I don’t think of any.”
What was the point of not making a joke about the Canadian border?
They realized that would cross a line.
In the end, I decided to open a business in Canada.
My business advisors told me, “Don’t get cold feet! ”
When the tourist visited Canada, why was he terrifie?
There was so much tundra and lightning!
When two Canadian musicians met at the gaming stop during the fire, what happened?
They formed Arcade Fire.
When I told my brother the name of Canada’s prime minister, he didn’t believe me.
Immediately, I replied, “It’s Trudeau! ”
In Canada, what do you call a deer that drinks human blood?
The moose-Quito.
What made the tourist decide not to visit the lake from the Canadian side?
It was giving them an eerie feeling.
In the winter, what are people saying about Canada?
