The Office Quotes Top 100+

If you’ve ever worked in an office quotes, you know how depressing, aggravating, and just plain weird it can be. That’s why The office quotes remain so consistently funny and its producer went on to create Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Parks And Recreation! We were introduced to the zany characters at Dunder Mifflin through the U.S. sitcom, giving us a break from our dreary cubicle lives.

It is said that legends never die, and in this case, neither do legendary sitcoms. There was more to The office quotes than breaking the fourth wall. To this day, viewers still crack up over its unique comedic style. Because of Jim Halpert’s hijinks and Michael Scott’s questionable managerial skills, we all wanted to work at Dunder Mifflin. Even if we never work there, these quotes will give you an idea of what it’s like to work there.

This Gift Guide Is for People Who Can’t Get Enough of ‘The Office

1. “The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is D.M.I. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons, and idiots. The only way to own it would be if you were that person. My belief is that the board owes me an explanation.” — Oscar Martinez, one of those idiots.
2. “Right now, this is just a job. This would be my career if I advanced any further in this company. I’d have to jump in front of a train if this were my career.” – Jim Halpert
3. Toby: “We’re not all going to sit in a circle, are we? ”
4. “Like a carpenter who makes stairs, I always think one step ahead.” — Andy Bernard
5. “Rit-dit-dit-do-doo!” — Andy Bernard
6. “I’m kind of familiar with what it’s like to appear in commercials. When I was in high school, I was known as Kool-Aid Man.” — Kevin Malone
7. “Boy, have you lost your mind? Cause I’ll help you find it!” — Stanley Hudson
8. “Today, smoking will save lives.” – Dwight Schrute
9. There ain’t no party like a Scranton party, because Scranton parties never end!” — Michael Scott
10. “I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the ’60s I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain… and it’s possible a man slipped in. (Shrugs) There’s no way of knowing.” — Creed Bratton
11. “ I think it’s wasteful to say a lot of words when a few words will do the trick.” — Kevin Malone
12. “I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He’s stupid, and he has a lot of issues.” — Phyllis Lapin-Vance
13. “It’s true. In the past, I have been a bit abrupt around this office. I’m going to die if I can’t find a way to relate more positively to my surroundings.” – Stanley Hudson
14. “I wanna do a cartwheel. But casual. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. “What a stunning and gorgeous cartwheel.” — Creed Bratton
15. “A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and um, we all took it really hard.” — Ryan Howard
16. “I won’t tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” — Michael Scott
17. “Dwight mercy-killed Angela’s cat.” — Pam Beesley
18. “I’m not superstitious, but I’m skeptical.” – Michael Scott
19. A two-leader organization thrives, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. Think of a country that doesn’t have two presidents or a boat that doesn’t have two captains. Where would Catholicism be without popes?” — Oscar Martinez
20. “An office is to prevent dying. Offices are places where dreams come true. They are places where life is lived to the fullest.” – Michael Scott.
21. “In my car, I run a fake ID business with a laminating machine I stole from the Sheriff’s station.” – Creed Bratton
22. “I got six numbers. It would have been complete if there had been one more.” — Kevin Malone
23. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. People should treat me with a sense of fear.” – Michael Scott
24. “The man wears sandals. I don’t need to see Oscar’s toes at work. Gross! “It looks like he just got off a boat.” – Angela Martin
25. The lottery is my ticket to a better life, but until I win it, this is my life. “Or Pam finally writes her young adult series.” – Jim Halpert
26. “If I don’t have some cake soon, I’ll die.” – Stanley Hudson
27. “Guess what, I have flaws? What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” — Michael Scott
28. “Well, this is what happened. Ryan’s big project was the website, which wasn’t performing very well. To give the impression of sales, we recorded them twice. This is what we call misleading shareholders in the business, once as offices and once as website sales. Fraud is another good term. I think the real crime was the beard.” – Oscar Martinez
29. “The dementors were the most unpleasant part of the prison.” – Michael Scott
30. “Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.” – Dwight Schrute
31. “Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela follows my instructions, so I won’t tell everyone she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. The letter would have to be formal for it to be considered blackmail.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance
32. The saying goes, “You can’t look away from a car wreck because it’s so awful?” “The Dundies are like a car wreck you want to ignore, but your boss forces you to stare.” – Pam Beesley
33. “Do I need to be admired? Absolutely not. I want to be liked. I enjoy being liked. My need to be liked is not like my need to be praised; it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked.” – Michael Scott.
34. “The Martin family has a new member. She’s hypoallergenic. When you try to dress her, she doesn’t struggle. This cat is a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents. It goes without saying that she was very, very expensive.” — Angela Martin
35. “I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. A hypothetical example of trash talk is: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. However, there is smack talk going on right now. I know you’re ugly because I have the proof right there.” — Kelly Kapoor
36. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat. …which is a lot to ask for at a dinner party.” – Pam Beesley
37. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson
38. There’s nothing I want more than to lay on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” — Kevin Malone
39. “Powerpoints are like peacocks; all show, no meat.” — Dwight Schrute
40. “My roommate wants to meet everybody. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making up Dwight. The man is very real.” – Jim Halpert
41. “No, Rose, they are not breathing. Their arms and legs are missing… Where are they? What do you think? Is it worth resuscitating someone without arms or legs? How is the quality of life there? – M. Scott
42. “I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs.” — Phyllis Lapin-Vance
43. “Oh, you’re paying too much for worms. Who’s your worm guy?” — Creed Bratton
44. “I know you became accountants because you aren’t good at interacting with people. But guess what? Now you’re no longer losers! So applaud yourselves.” — Kelly Kapoor
45. I’m like, really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, ‘Kelly, what’s the biggest company in the world?’ I would say, ‘blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact answer.” — Kelly Kapoor
46. “I’m a black belt in gift wrapping.” – Jim Halpert
47. I sometimes start a sentence without knowing where it’s going. It’s just a matter of finding it along the way.” – Michael Scott
48. “The bone marrow I ate was too much.” – Dwight Schrute
49. Everything I am owes to my stupid, wonderful, boring, and amazing job.” — Jim Halpert
50. “I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” – Pam Beesley
51. “I don’t usually like making people laugh.” – Angela Martin
52. “My habit is to talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.” — Kelly Kapoor
53. “The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you could say they are master batsmen.” — Kevin Malone
54. “Who is Justice Beaver?” — Dwight Schrute
55. Pam, would you mind rubbing butter on my foot? “Country Crock is what I have.” — Michael Scott
56. “There is nothing special about you.” — Stanley Hudson
57. “As a child, you assume your parents are soulmates. That’s what my kids will tell you.” – Pam Beesley
58. “And I knew exactly what to do. However, in reality, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott
59. “My days of not wanting to attend parties are over.” — Ryan Howard
60. There are times when I get so bored that I just want to scream, and then there are times when I actually do. The situation dictates what I do.” – Kelly Kapoor
61. “I am Beyonce, always.” — Michael Scott
62. “I find the mystery genre disgusting. It irritates me to be titillated.” – Angela Martin
63. “What’s the point of all this if I can’t scuba dive? What am I working toward?” — Creed Bratton
64. “I say dance, they say, ‘How high?’” — Michael Scott
65. “When I was a kid, I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket.” – Kevin Malone
66. “As someone who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it’s nice to be represented on one.” Phyllis Lapin-Vance
67. “I heard Jim told me you could buy gaydar online.” — Dwight Schrute
68. “Pregnant women are not welcome in my workplace. They’re always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I’m constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples get sore? Are you sure I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital? Standley, Hudson
69. “I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. Even thinking that Al Qaeda hates me makes me feel bad. Pam Beesley: “I believe they wouldn’t hate me if they knew me.”
70. “I would appreciate it if he called me right away.” — Michael Scott
71. Stanley drank OJ out of my mug, not realizing it wasn’t his hot coffee. As a result, the question must be asked: “Is there no limit to what he won’t notice? – James Halpert
72. “Ultimatums are the key. Nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.” – Kelly Kapoor
73. “I love inside jokes. It would be great to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott.
74. “I want to be wined and dined and be 69.” – Kevin Malone
75. “Creed asked me how to set up a blog last year. I opened a Word document on Creed’s computer and added an address. I have read some of it. Even on the internet, it’s… pretty shocking.” — Ryan Howard
76. “Dwight you ignorant sl*t.” — Michael Scott
77. “I already won the lottery. My parents were both born in the United States. My Swiss passport serves as a backup.” – Creed Bratton
78. “Your body is a temple.” You have to respect it. There’s no point in just whoring it out.” – Angela Martin
79. “I’ve decided to be more honest. I’ll start telling people what I want directly. Pammy is getting what she wants, so look out world. I don’t want to be called Pammy.” – Pam Bee
80. “It’s like I used to tell my wife. Unless I’m wrong, I don’t apologize, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. This is what I say to my current wife, and I will say it to my next one as well.” – Stanley Hudson
81. My advantage is that I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn a lot from them. The strategies of the winners and losers provide me with valuable information. The losers probably teach me more than the winners.” – Michael Scott
82. Although I don’t consider myself a slut, who knows?” — Kelly Kapoor
83. Michael leaves. A new manager has already been hired. And we’re meeting him today. There’s a lot to do – in terms of paperwork.” – Oscar Martinez
84. “Close your mouth, sweetie. I see you as a trout.” Phyllis Lapin-Vance
85. “I wake up in a bed that is too small, drive my daughter to an expensive school, and then go to work for which I get paid too little. But on a pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel days.” — Stanley Hudson
86. “No thief gets away with stealing from Creed Bratton. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.” — Creed Bratton
87. “Any man who claims to understand women completely is a fool. They are un-understandable.” -Michael Scott
88. “There’s beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that the point?” — Pam Beesly
89. There’s a golden ticket idea. Wouldn’t it be fun to jump off the roof? ” — Stanley Hudson
90. “I’m fast. To give you a reference point. Like a snake crossed with a mongoose. And a Panther.” — Dwight Schrute
91. “Nothing gets done for a million reasons.” – Jan Levinson
92. Water cooler gossip passes more information than official memos, according to studies. Due to the fact that I bring my own water to work, I am at a disadvantage.” – Dwight Schrute
93. It’s time to test the air quality in the office. There’s radon coming from below. We have asbestos in the ceiling. These are silent killers.”
94. Is there anyone in the office who did not bring lice to work? Merced. I gave everyone a pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yes, I put it in the shredder on New Year’s. However, I did not bring lice with me. That was all Pam.” — Meredith
95. “You’re the people’s princess! Diana was nothing!” — Meredith
96. “One thing I can tell you, I won’t be the best mom tonight.” — Meredith
97. “Hey everybody, he’s not in the men’s room. We may have just missed him because the seat was warm.” — Meredith
98. “Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. Whenever Creed Bratton gets into trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Scheider.” – Creed Bratton
99. “Make that face smile.” – Creed Bratton
100. “As soon as Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.” — Creed Bratton
101. “Decapitated humans can survive for several hours.” — Creed Bratton
102. “We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead, Pam and I sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to see an ear doctor. As Pam called it, “tendinitis.” — Jim Halpert
103. “So you’ve come to the master for guidance? Is this what you’re saying, grasshopper?” — Michael Scott

There are not many people familiar with our company, so I think it’s great that they’re making a commercial. When I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or.To be honest, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.” — Jim Halpert

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